Sleeping Alone
by AngelKittyofLove
Summary: Tony's always out partying and neglecting his husband Steve. Tony starts seeing Pepper and wants to divorce Steve marry her instead. However, Steve sets his own conditions - for Tony to stay with him for two more months before he leaves him.


Steve has always been patient and forgiving. So when Tony parties all night and returns in the morning at 7, Steve's there to take him to bed and to bring him water and painkillers when he wakes up. Currently, he's been doing it for 10 years, and he remembers this well because it all started 3 years into their marriage, 6 since they started dating.

He also remembers it because he wants to count how long it took for Tony to stop. To sober up. To get better. To love him again.

But logically, Steve knew it would never happen – at least not on his watch. Getting Tony to notice him again, to actually look at him and see him would take too long without a miracle, however long it would take for Tony to give up alcohol, women and parties is be longer than how long Steve has.

But Steve is much too loving to force Tony to stop, and he knows that even though this self-destructive lifestyle his husband lead will eventually kill Tony, Steve can't bring himself to stop him because he knows that it's a better alternative to being with him.

So every night he sleeps alone.

* * *

"Tony? We really need to talk." Steve steps carefully down the stairs, hoping Tony isn't drunk. He would much rather have this conversation with a sober Tony, but he treads lightly just in case – loud sounds give Tony a headache when he's drunk.

"Yeah, I need to talk to you too." Not drunk. Good.

He sees his husband sitting on the sofa, a briefcase in his lap. It's rare for him to be sober and even rarer for him to bring work back with him. When he hears him coming, Tony gestures to the chair across the end table. Steve goes to sit across from him, and Tony opens up the briefcase and sets a stack of papers in between them.

"I think we should get a divorce." Tony avoids eye contact, and Steve sucks in a breath.

"I've actually been thinking about this for a while…" Tony continues, "and I've actually realized that I don't love you as much as I did… what was it? 5 years ago?"

"Ten." Steve corrects him knowingly. Tony has been focused on other things, other people – he hasn't been keeping track like Steve as been.

"Yeah, something around there. But I've been… I've been seeing someone." Steve already knew. It wasn't as if Tony was especially secretive. And Pepper, the other girl, had shot him sorrowful glances, as if she was sorry. "And I've realized that I want to be with them, and I can't stay with you anymore."

Steve knows that he should be elated. Tony will finally be happy, and if getting a divorce is what it would take, he should jump at the chance and let Tony be happy.

It had been his goal for the last year… hadn't it?

"I…"

"Look. How about I leave the papers here and stay at a hotel or something and by tomorrow, I'll pick them up and give them to the lawyer? Don't worry; I left you the house and enough money for you to spend for the rest of your life." Tony stands up, ready to hightail it out of there. "I'm sorry Steve. I'm not trying to be cruel. I'm just… not in love with you anymore."

"Wait." Tony stops, and Steve looks him in the eye, trying not to waver. Couldn't he have one last selfish request?

"Two months." Steve's glad his voice doesn't crack.

"What?"

"Two months. We'll pretend like we're fine and then at the end, we'll tie up any loose ends. If you do this for me, I promise to not sue you or sabotage your company." He knows threats are a low blow, but he can't help it.

Tony looks calculatingly at him.

"Two months."

They, at the very least, sleep on the same bed that night.

* * *

The first week was slow.

Tony kept his promise, and they ate dinner together like usual – even if it was a little quiet. Steve tried to make an effort and asked Tony about his day, but all he received where curt answers and grunts.

But, Steve told himself, they were at least sleeping on the same bed, under the same roof, in the same house. Even if they were on separate edges of the bed. Even if Tony was seeing Pepper during the day. Even if Tony avoided physical and eye contact throughout the week and still drank after the meal.

The second week, they had actual conversations. Tony would tell him about his company, and how the board of directors was still trying to get in his way, how his new inventions were starting to take form and how he was going to change the world. Instead of takeout, they would actually go to a nice restaurant and they'd have wine together, but nobody got drunk. Then they would call a cab to take them home.

After that, they would go to sleep. Closer though. Neither was about to fall off the edge with one wrong move.

The third week, Steve surprised Tony with a date. They went to Coney Island together for a day, riding the roller coasters together. Steve grinned to himself when he watched Tony run off to buy ice creams for the both of them, hoping to imprint the memories in his mind forever. He hoped that he would never forget the excited smile Tony had on his face when he saw the ice cream stand and raced off, promising to get Steve a vanilla.

Steve could feel his heart warm when Tony remembered his favorite flavor. But he could feel himself numbing to the pain. Or maybe it was simply subsiding?

That night, they watched the fireworks as they ate dinner next to each other. Steve thought it was inconvenient to eat his hot dog in his left hand, but he didn't say anything, because his right hand was too occupied with doing something much more important – being held in Tony's.

Later, they slept back to back on the bed, and Steve appreciated the warmth.

The fourth week, Steve couldn't find any sign of Tony meeting Pepper. The signature perfume that Pepper always wore hadn't been mixed in with Tony's cologne when Tony hugged him when he came home from work. Tony's clothes were still straight, rumpled only in ways that indicated that he had been with the R&D Department all day.

Tony even brought him back a present; a new watch that he knew was Steve's style. But all Steve really noticed was the beaming expression on Tony's face, not the shiny watch in the box that was thrust into his hands. It wasn't important to him, and Steve almost dropped it. But he smiled in return and put it on the dresser, promising to wear it the next time they went out together.

They slept together, and Tony's arm was draped over Steve, keeping him warm all night. Steve wished in his mind to never forget Tony's warmth.

* * *

But then, his deadline moved up.

"Are you sure doctor?" Steve stared up into the doctor's eyes, hoping that it was just a joke. Begging for the news to be just a joke, for anyone to give him more time.

"I'm sorry Steve."

His deadline moved up.

* * *

"Hey Tony?"

"Yeah? What is it?"

Steve bit his lip as he kept stirring the pasta.

"Do you… want to go on a vacation?" He could hear Tony stop poking at his tablet. He should have known better. He should have just kept quiet. "You know what? I'm sorry what was I –"

"Yeah. We should." Steve whipped his head around, staring in disbelief.

"I… what?"

"We should. I'll take a few days off and we'll fly down to that island… remember? We've been there before."

The smile Steve got was blinding, and they flew down to the island that night.

"You know, now that I think about it, I didn't bring Pepper here." Steve flinched at the woman's name, but smiled anyways. In due time.

In their shared room, the belongings they had brought from their last trip were still there.

They slept together, facing each other, and Steve cherished the peaceful expression on Tony's face.

If only he could move his arm to feel Tony's beard under his fingers again.

The next few days, they simply relaxed on the beach like they did a decade ago. They watched the sunset everyday while sipping fruity alcohol concoctions. They strolled down the beach at night, hand in hand, glancing shyly at each other. Steve didn't mind that all he could see was Tony.

"Hey, y'know what?" Tony grumbled from his left. "Lemme borrow your arm." Steve turned over onto his left side and, with a massive effort that he hoped didn't show on his face, raised his right arm, and Tony grabbed it and plopped it over himself before putting his arm around Steve. "Yeah… this is good."

They slept together, holding each other.

At the end of the week, Tony was already used to this life with Steve again. He would wake up and Steve would be back from making breakfast and they would eat together, plan their day, follow their plans, go home, and sleep together. He smiled to himself when he got out of bed, humming as he went to the kitchen to meet Steve, realizing in surprise that he hadn't thought of Pepper in the days since they've been at the island.

"Hey Steve?" He stepped into the kitchen, expecting to find his husband, but he wasn't there. In the bathroom probably? Steve didn't leave until Tony woke up for runs like he used to. He headed for the bathroom.

"Hey Steve?" He knocked on the door twice. "Um, y'know, take your time honey, but I've been thinking. Sweetheart, remember how I asked for a divorce a month ago? I've been thinking… I think I'm happy with you. And I want to give us a chance again. I mean, I think we're working out and I just got so distracted that I never paid you any attention... hey buttercup? I know you've been kind of quiet lately but you can say something you know? Or are you just surprised? Are you even listening?" Tony rattled the doorknob to find it unlocked. He stepped inside. "Steve? Oh my god."

He saw Steve unconscious on the floor, and he rushed in only to discover vomit in the toilet.

"Dear God… Steve? Steve. Wake up. Wake up! Can you hear me?!"

"Tony? Wha are you doin'? 'm sorry… wasn' suppose…." Steve retched again, but only bile came out. "'m sorry… 'ead hurts…"

"Steve? Just stay with me alright? I'm calling someone to fly us back to Manhattan."

"'m sorry…"

Steve woke up to the sound of beeping and an itch in his left arm. Groggily, he moved his head slowly to take in his surroundings. To his right, he saw Tony staring at him worriedly, clutching his own hand in Tony's smaller ones. Too bad he couldn't actually feel the pressure. Too bad he couldn't move his hand to stroke Tony's face and to reassure his love that everything was alright, that everything would be alright.

This was just called for a slight change of plans. It would end up the same anyways.

"I'm sorry."

"What? No Steve, you don't have anything to apologize for. It was my idea to go to an island; I mean we could have just gone wherever you were suggesting which would have probably been a more convenient location with like places that you could actually get medical attention and help when you actually need it. I mean, what was I thinking? You don't have anything to apologize for."

Steve smiled at him, wondering if painkillers were keeping the headaches at bay. "Naw, my fault. Didn't go according to plan. Deadline moved up, didn't realize up so much…" He wondered if it was supposed to be this hard to talk. It hadn't been just a while ago.

"Plans? What plan? Oh my god, please don't tell me it was like a plan to commit suicide because I'm pretty sure that if you like eat a bunch of drugs then you throw up and die and that's not a pretty picture, not that you wouldn't be pretty, but I mean… wait what deadline? Is there like a thing you were planning? Like is someone making you do something or else–"

"Shh…" Steve was thankful that in the end, at least he could still see Tony's face, though he wished that it was a smile, not a worried expression that filled it. He had failed, hadn't he? He hadn't been able to make Tony happy in the end.

"Brain Tumor… 'lmost a few years 'lready…"

"I'm sorry honey; I really should have cared more. I really should have paid attention… The doctors told me what was going on outside… But you could have told me! I mean, at least I would have found you a place to get admitted into!

"I thought I didn't love you back then, but I wouldn't have abandoned you! I looked at the doctor records and the bank records and you went to the doctor but you didn't… didn't even go for chemo or… or for radiation therapy or… I'm rich Steve! Was this about not using my money? Because I wouldn't have noticed! I mean… I have so much that it would barely make a dent if I got you into the best hospital with the best doctors and the best treatments and drugs… anything! Hell, we could have put it all in the house if you had wanted to!" Steve watched sadly as Tony unraveled and sobbed hysterically, wishing he could take the pain away from Tony.

"B'cause you 'n Pepper… I want'd you t' be happy but… was real selfish 'n wanted to keep you just till almost the end… so I could 'member you 'n pretend that… y'know that you still wanted me 'n cared…" He watched Tony squeeze his hand tighter. He really regretted the loss of movement in his arms. He wished that he was able to feel Tony's calloused hands, the warmth that they emitted. He wished he could caress Tony's cheek for just one more time.

"Please don't… sweetheart, I'm sorry, I was wrong back then and I love you now… please don't forget that. C'mon. Just rest and you'll get better. Come on, get better? For me?"

"'Cept I was 'pposed to get real bad by next month… then doc said it was just goin' too fast n' was 'pposed to get worse by end o' this month.. 'cept it came early huh? Was 'pposed to have two more weeks… but I ask'd for you t' go with me on a vacation… 'n at the end… I was 'pposed to break it off… tell you I didn' love you either… 'n we'd go our separate ways… you'd be with Pepper and you'd be happy…"

"Are you kidding me? How would I believe that? I could see the love you had… I mean, you practically radiated it. So much that I could… I don't know, cut it with a knife? I'm so sorry. I was so blind before and couldn't see that you loved me and that I loved you… I was too busy partying because I was worried that everything I knew would end after I got married and settled down."

"S'okay now… after this… y'know I hope you 'n Pepper can live happily… you both have my blessing…"

"No… honey… Steve… don't you get it? I don't love her. I love you." At least Steve could still feel the hot tears flowing from his eyes, even if just barely.

"Thanks… thanks Tony…"

Love you too.

* * *

Tony stayed with Steve in the hospital room 24/7 after that. The nurses had to force him out to take care of his hygiene and gave him food with pity in their eyes. For the next two weeks, Steve's condition only worsened. He lost weight and didn't wake up for more than an hour at a time. But when he did, Tony didn't know whether or not he wanted Steve to just go back to sleep because he knew that every waking moment was filled with headaches and confusion because Steve couldn't feel in his arms and legs anymore.

"I love you, babe." He'd whisper as he saw Steve blink his eyes open tiredly, and he'd whisper it again when he saw Steve drift back into sleep. By then, Steve couldn't talk – only a few words at once – so Tony did all the talking for the both of them, telling Steve how much he loved him and how in the future they would adopt a kid and be in love forever. After every session, he would feel tired and his throat would be dry, but it was worth it to see the hints of a smile on Steve's face.

* * *

At the end of the month, Steve passed quietly, indicated only by the long tone of the heart monitor.

Tony returned to Manhattan and had a private burial with only close friends in attendance. He remained as friends with Pepper, but he was unable to see her in a romantic light any longer. Tony donated huge sums to cancer research societies, and made a new department in Stark Industries to develop better medical tech.

At home, in the now empty house, he slept alone. He left the half of the bed that Steve usually slept on empty, wishing that one day, he would wake up to Steve next to him, telling him it was all just a cruel, cruel joke.

But he always woke up to a cold, empty bed.

Tony regretted making Steve sleep alone for the last ten years.

* * *

End.  
Thank you for reading and please tell me if you spot any errors!


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